Week 11 - Decision Making and Emotional Competence
As we are wrapping up, this week we covered two more (and perhaps, final) areas of the course: Decision making and emotional competence.
First, before the decision making session, we did a simulation as a product manager in a time of corporate crisis. I must say, even as a simple simulation, the role of a product manager seems vaguer and tougher than I'd imagined, but also exciting and valuable.
To start off the session, Viji asked us to think about a major decision we'd taken, how it turned out, and would we change the decision. In my life, this decision was choosing IITM EE (stay closer to friends and family in a department I like) over IIT Kgp CSE (to take a lonelier path, but in the department I am most passionate about). Eventually, I was extremely lucky to get a branch change to CSE so the decision worked out brilliantly. Despite this, if I had to go back in time, the decision I took still feels very 50-50.
Merely thinking about this case made me realize that often overthink before making decisions based on a belief that we can accurately predict what will happen. That is never the case. I was not expecting to try, much less get, a branch change in IITM. Whatever decision we make, as long we are true to ourselves, life will work out in its own way.
In a perfect world, making decisions would be easy: we can get all the related information, and make a rational decision. But the real world doesn't work like that. Most decisions that we make are using incomplete information: we extrapolate past experiences and assumptions to fill the rest. Even when we have sufficient information, we are limited by Bounded Rationality: that is, humans can effectively process only so much information at any given time.
We humans are often not rational actors. When advising others, we suggest purely rational options. But when we are making decisions ourselves, we let our emotions get in the way of the rational option, leading to cognitive dissonance: acting differently from our beliefs.
In the session, we discussed four examples of irrational biases:
- Self serving bias: When making decisions and analyzing past decisions, we often tend to attribute our skill to success, and bad luck to failures. When we are less accountable to ourselves, we can take overly risky decisions.
- Anchoring bias: We 'anchor' or base our expectations around the first pieces of information we receive, even if it is very different from our previous neutral expectations. This may lead us to pay more than our internal valuation for something because the price is a good deal compared to the typical market value.
- Sunk Cost Fallacy: When we have put in a lot of time/money/effort into something, like a passion project or a startup, we find it harder to let go, even if there is no rational way forward. We do not want to accept that our investment so far will not pay dividends.
- Confirmation bias: When we are confronted with a decision, sometimes we have a preference towards one option even before we have obtained any real information surroundings its consequences. From hereon, we tend to search only for information that supports this option, belittling or even disregarding information contrary to this.
As humans, these biases will continue to persist in our decision making process. There is no secret formula to overcome this: just constant vigilance. To be better and more rational decision makers, we must constantly be on the lookout for these biases, and must always try to seek out information that breaks down our assumptions.
Another area we discussed is about dealing with regret after a decision has gone wrong. When we asked this question to Viji (courtesy Samuel), she replied with another question: How do you determine a decision has gone wrong?
She pointed out that as long as we are aware and true to ourselves, we always have a takeaway from the outcome of a decision. Sometimes, we get what we want. Sometimes, we get something pleasantly unexpected. Other times are merely learning experiences, and opportunities to reflect on our values and actions. The best way to deal with 'failure' is to reframe the context.
Another important aspect Viji talked about is pivoting. As we talked about the Sunk Cost Fallacy, if we invest ourselves into something that doesn't seem to be working out, we need to be aware and capable of pivoting away into new ventures fast. This is a much more productive use of our time than trying to make it work in vain or wallowing in regret and self-pity.
To end the session, we discussed intuition, using the example of Sully. Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger is infamous for the landing of his plane on the Hudson River when the engines failed. His decision was initially criticized as reckless, but upon further analysis, was applauded as the right split-second decision. It was his intuition that helped him make the correct decision almost instantly. Intuition is useful to make such quick decisions and is highly valued in a professional environment. Intuition is mostly developed through dedication and experience in one's area of expertise.
Emotional Competence
The next session, Viji came in, visibly frustrated at late comers and those who didn't show. So frustrated, in fact, that she decided to cancel the class and left!
After a series of apologies on our end, Viji comes back, freshens up the mood, and says it was all an act! My oh my were we relieved, haha.
And that is how we started our session on emotional competence :P
Viji then asks us how we felt during her fake bust-up. We were visibly shaken, and perhaps a little sad this was how the course was going to end. Viji then points out that all this drama was to drive home the effect of Emotional Contagion: that is, the degree of power our emotions have to spread positivity, as well as negativity.
Excessive emotions of any kind, even positive, are dangerous. When we are at emotional extremes, we tend to make reckless decisions, and can also have unintended effects on others. This is why we need to be careful about how and where we express our emotions.
The four primary expressions that we experience are anger, fear, happiness, and sadness. Viji pointed out that none of these emotions are completely good or bad. One must be angry with injustices, fearful of obvious dangers, happy with their fortunes, and share in the sadness of their loved ones. However, we much make sure each of these emotions is channelled in a productive, and not destructive, manner.
Viji then asked each of us to analyze our dominant emotion, its source, impact, and what we would like to do differently. I shared my experience with anxiety, how it stems from my habit of constantly chasing down the next urgent task in an unstructured manner. This anxiety makes me feel lost and meaningless, and instead, I would like to trust myself more, and build a less impromptu, more structured, work ethic.
Viji used my example to highlight the importance of self-awareness. So many of us often feel lost, but can't accurately pinpoint the reason or think of a solution. Merely being self-aware and being able to analyze oneself brings us halfway towards bringing about the change we want. Viji suggested using chunking, that is, breaking down what we feel into smaller and manageable pieces, to get to the source faster. Personally, I was able to make good progress using the same during my coaching sessions.
The next step to working on our emotions after self-awareness is self-regulation. There is no secret sauce; rather, one must be constantly vigilant of their inner voice and the way they are acting and must ask themselves if it is aligned with their values/aspirations. This is the part I myself am slowly, but steadily, working on.
Building Emotional Immunity
To start building emotional immunity, Viji suggested that we first need to realize that most of us take ourselves too seriously. In most cases, our problems are not as large as we make them out to be and our goals are not as sweet as we think. In the end, we are all just tiny specks on a tiny planet; just one out of the millions of species we share the planet with. Just realizing this will help us gain humility and feel grounded, whatever the circumstances.
Lastly, to build emotional immunity, it is imperative that we flush out emotional baggage. Every person carries a lot of pent-up emotions: frustration towards others, fears about the future, anxieties about the self, and so on. Letting go of this baggage and experiencing each new experience in a rational, unbiased manner will greatly help in maintaining emotional strength and neutrality.
Becoming Emotional Aware
We ended the session with a discussion of being aware of others' emotions. We did an experiment on how well we could gauge emotions from facial expressions. I got 5.5/10, which is average, but was surprisingly good given that I was expecting much lesser.
Viji then emphasized the importance of training oneself to be aware of others' emotions, and empathetic to their situation. This skill helps one be a more caring person to be with. It is also valued in corporate management, where a great manager is expected to be on the lookout for their team members' likes and strengths and is expected to inspire their coworkers.
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