Week 11 - Decision Making and Emotional Competence

 As we are wrapping up, this week we covered two more (and perhaps, final) areas of the course: Decision making and emotional competence.

First, before the decision making session, we did a simulation as a product manager in a time of corporate crisis. I must say, even as a simple simulation, the role of a product manager seems vaguer and tougher than I'd imagined, but also exciting and valuable.

To start off the session, Viji asked us to think about a major decision we'd taken, how it turned out, and would we change the decision. In my life, this decision was choosing IITM EE (stay closer to friends and family in a department I like) over IIT Kgp CSE (to take a lonelier path, but in the department I am most passionate about). Eventually, I was extremely lucky to get a branch change to CSE so the decision worked out brilliantly. Despite this, if I had to go back in time, the decision I took still feels very 50-50.

Merely thinking about this case made me realize that often overthink before making decisions based on a belief that we can accurately predict what will happen. That is never the case. I was not expecting to try, much less get, a branch change in IITM. Whatever decision we make, as long we are true to ourselves, life will work out in its own way.

In a perfect world, making decisions would be easy: we can get all the related information, and make a rational decision. But the real world doesn't work like that. Most decisions that we make are using incomplete information: we extrapolate past experiences and assumptions to fill the rest. Even when we have sufficient information, we are limited by Bounded Rationality: that is, humans can effectively process only so much information at any given time. 

We humans are often not rational actors. When advising others, we suggest purely rational options. But when we are making decisions ourselves, we let our emotions get in the way of the rational option, leading to cognitive dissonance: acting differently from our beliefs.

In the session, we discussed four examples of irrational biases:

• Self serving bias: When making decisions and analyzing past decisions, we often tend to attribute our skill to success, and bad luck to failures. When we are less accountable to ourselves, we can take overly risky decisions.
• Anchoring bias: We 'anchor' or base our expectations around the first pieces of information we receive, even if it is very different from our previous neutral expectations. This may lead us to pay more than our internal valuation for something because the price is a good deal compared to the typical market value.
• Sunk Cost Fallacy: When we have put in a lot of time/money/effort into something, like a passion project or a startup, we find it harder to let go, even if there is no rational way forward. We do not want to accept that our investment so far will not pay dividends.
• Confirmation bias: When we are confronted with a decision, sometimes we have a preference towards one option even before we have obtained any real information surroundings its consequences. From hereon, we tend to search only for information that supports this option, belittling or even disregarding information contrary to this.

As humans, these biases will continue to persist in our decision making process. There is no secret formula to overcome this: just constant vigilance. To be better and more rational decision makers, we must constantly be on the lookout for these biases, and must always try to seek out information that breaks down our assumptions.

Another area we discussed is about dealing with regret after a decision has gone wrong. When we asked this question to Viji (courtesy Samuel), she replied with another question: How do you determine a decision has gone wrong?

She pointed out that as long as we are aware and true to ourselves, we always have a takeaway from the outcome of a decision. Sometimes, we get what we want. Sometimes, we get something pleasantly unexpected. Other times are merely learning experiences, and opportunities to reflect on our values and actions. The best way to deal with 'failure' is to reframe the context.

Another important aspect Viji talked about is pivoting. As we talked about the Sunk Cost Fallacy, if we invest ourselves into something that doesn't seem to be working out, we need to be aware and capable of pivoting away into new ventures fast. This is a much more productive use of our time than trying to make it work in vain or wallowing in regret and self-pity.

To end the session, we discussed intuition, using the example of Sully. Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger is infamous for the landing of his plane on the Hudson River when the engines failed. His decision was initially criticized as reckless, but upon further analysis, was applauded as the right split-second decision. It was his intuition that helped him make the correct decision almost instantly. Intuition is useful to make such quick decisions and is highly valued in a professional environment. Intuition is mostly developed through dedication and experience in one's area of expertise.

Emotional Competence

The next session, Viji came in, visibly frustrated at late comers and those who didn't show. So frustrated, in fact, that she decided to cancel the class and left!

After a series of apologies on our end, Viji comes back, freshens up the mood, and says it was all an act! My oh my were we relieved, haha.

And that is how we started our session on emotional competence :P

Viji then asks us how we felt during her fake bust-up. We were visibly shaken, and perhaps a little sad this was how the course was going to end. Viji then points out that all this drama was to drive home the effect of Emotional Contagion: that is, the degree of power our emotions have to spread positivity, as well as negativity.

Excessive emotions of any kind, even positive, are dangerous. When we are at emotional extremes, we tend to make reckless decisions, and can also have unintended effects on others. This is why we need to be careful about how and where we express our emotions.

The four primary expressions that we experience are anger, fear, happiness, and sadness. Viji pointed out that none of these emotions are completely good or bad. One must be angry with injustices, fearful of obvious dangers, happy with their fortunes, and share in the sadness of their loved ones. However, we much make sure each of these emotions is channelled in a productive, and not destructive, manner.

Viji then asked each of us to analyze our dominant emotion, its source, impact, and what we would like to do differently. I shared my experience with anxiety, how it stems from my habit of constantly chasing down the next urgent task in an unstructured manner. This anxiety makes me feel lost and meaningless, and instead, I would like to trust myself more, and build a less impromptu, more structured, work ethic.

Viji used my example to highlight the importance of self-awareness. So many of us often feel lost, but can't accurately pinpoint the reason or think of a solution. Merely being self-aware and being able to analyze oneself brings us halfway towards bringing about the change we want. Viji suggested using chunking, that is, breaking down what we feel into smaller and manageable pieces, to get to the source faster. Personally, I was able to make good progress using the same during my coaching sessions.

The next step to working on our emotions after self-awareness is self-regulation. There is no secret sauce; rather, one must be constantly vigilant of their inner voice and the way they are acting and must ask themselves if it is aligned with their values/aspirations. This is the part I myself am slowly, but steadily, working on.

Building Emotional Immunity

To start building emotional immunity, Viji suggested that we first need to realize that most of us take ourselves too seriously. In most cases, our problems are not as large as we make them out to be and our goals are not as sweet as we think. In the end, we are all just tiny specks on a tiny planet; just one out of the millions of species we share the planet with. Just realizing this will help us gain humility and feel grounded, whatever the circumstances. 

Humans are biologically hardwired to easily slip into negativity, so as to be constantly ready to get out of danger. However, modern human life has very few imminent threats to life that our biology has prepared us for. Thus, we need to make a conscious effort to not feel worried all the time. Viji gave two suggestions in line with this: the first is to make the conscious effort to regularly feel gratitude for all our fortunes in life. The other thing is to develop closer relationships and "3 am friends", that is, people you can depend on to help you out anytime. Humans are social beings, so building strong bonds goes a long way in keeping us in high spirits.

Lastly, to build emotional immunity, it is imperative that we flush out emotional baggage. Every person carries a lot of pent-up emotions: frustration towards others, fears about the future, anxieties about the self, and so on. Letting go of this baggage and experiencing each new experience in a rational, unbiased manner will greatly help in maintaining emotional strength and neutrality.

Becoming Emotional Aware

We ended the session with a discussion of being aware of others' emotions. We did an experiment on how well we could gauge emotions from facial expressions. I got 5.5/10, which is average, but was surprisingly good given that I was expecting much lesser.

Viji then emphasized the importance of training oneself to be aware of others' emotions, and empathetic to their situation. This skill helps one be a more caring person to be with. It is also valued in corporate management, where a great manager is expected to be on the lookout for their team members' likes and strengths and is expected to inspire their coworkers.

Week 10 - Synergy and the Cross Cultural Workspace

This week, we ventured away from personal development, and into working in teams. To start off, we had a session on synergy.

Synergy is when multiple people/teams/organizations come together to try and produce a greater impact than individually. 

When people collaborate, there are two possible outcomes:

• Negative synergy: When the people do not take the time to understand each other's strengths and weaknesses, the team is bound to divide and take on work suboptimally. This is not much better, if not worse, than each person in the group working alone.
• Positive synergy: On the other hand, when the group members are aware of their strengths and shortcomings, work can be assigned accordingly. Each person spends more effort working on their areas of specialty, and collaborating with people with different viewpoints can help the team work more creatively.

Targeting Positive Synergy

As mentioned before, to build a team that positively synergizes, it is important for team members to understand each other. For people to enthusiastically contribute to the project, it is important that they are given work that plays to their strength, and allows them to express their individuality. When each team is convinced that they can add special value to the work they are assigned, they will be motivated to put their best work forward.

For a team to stay motivated, it is important that team members have a clear sense of direction, and they trust their coworkers are also contributing effectively. To ensure this, every individual must be given utmost clarity about the goal they are working towards (but with the freedom to choose how they want to reach this goal), and must be kept accountable in reasonable intervals.

To effectively collaborate, every group member must feel their opinions and idea are valued when making decisions. This is where the 'leaders speak last' mantra comes into effect.

Personalities in a Team

There are 4 typical personalities one can find in most teams:

• Bulldog - This person is overly aggressive and dominates others. Such a person has a lot of opinions and ideas that they hold with high value, but they must also be conscious of what others can bring to the table and have an open mind.
• Chameleon - Such a person is very flexible in their work but is too quick to give up their identity. Some flexibility is required and appreciated when working in a group, but it is important to occasionally put oneself forward and bring unique value.
• Rabbit - Such a person finds ways and excuses to avoid work. It is important to ensure they are given work that plays to their strength and to keep them motivated and accountable.
• Ant - A tireless worker. While such people are greatly appreciated in the team, after a point, it is important to know how to delegate work as well. After all, if you have decided to do all the work, then you don't need a team, thus defeating the idea of positive synergy.

When working in a team, it is important to balance one's individuality and the team's attributes. The Thomas-Kilmann book on conflict management says when the importance given to:

• self and team is low: indifference
• self is high and team is low: aggressive
• self is low and team is high: submissive
• self and team is high: healthy balance

When there are such different personalities on a team, there are bound to be some conflicts over ideas, work distribution, etc. In such situations, it is important to communicate effectively, understand each person's point of view, and try to find an equally acceptable middle ground.

Cross Cultural Workplace

In continuation of this theme, we had a session on effectively working in a cross cultural workplace.

As early as a few decades back, most work was done by small, localized teams. Most innovations were borne out of the work of a single person or a few close knit people in artisanal shops.

However, with the massive technological advancements in technology and communication, sharing of information and distribution of work has never been easier. As a result, most projects today are undertaken by larger teams, often from unrelated backgrounds and geographies. Hence, it is crucial that we revamp our working styles to be able to work on projects far bigger than ourselves.

One of the most fundamental challenges with working in teams spread across the globe is the differing time zones. The western workplace typically has been following a monochronic work culture, where an orderly nature and fixed time slots (such as the "9 to 5") are given high importance. This ensured everyone was available to work and collaborate at a fixed times of the day.

However, with teams now being spread around the globe, this paradigm must change. All members cannot be working at the same time; rather, work is frequently handed over from people working in one time zone to another. In essence, progress is being made 24x7. To accommodate for this, we must adapt a polychronic work culture, that is flexible and more suitable for collaboration. 

Another major challenge when working in a cross cultural team is to prevent a perception of difference in importance between different subgroups. Members working from remote locations may feel an inferiority complex when comparing themselves to members working from company headquarters. Or, in an interdepartmental project, members from one department may feel they are more important than members from another department.

Such a negative perception can lead to trust issues, and thus hamper overall collaboration and productivity. Team leads must take conscious efforts to bridge the divide and build trust and a sense of importance among every member of their team.

Another potential pitfall that may aggravate this issue is information asymmetry; that is, when some members of the team withhold information from others, feeling it is unnecessary for their work. Transparency in the workplace is crucial to ensure every individual feels valued and has the full idea of how and what they are contributing to.

We then talked about potential methods to smoothly run cross cultural teams. Some suggested breaking up the team into smaller sub groups with people from different locations/departments, so they get to know each other better.

It is also important for a manager to be able to anticipate potential points of conflict. They must take measures to prevent such conflicts, and also resolve any such conflicts, in an empathetic manner suitable to all parties involved.

Finally, it is important that any communication has the utmost clarity, as miscommunication can easily lead to conflict. It is also important for the team leads to be open to team members and show them they care for all members of the team. A great deal of trust issues can be avoided if team leads can convince members from different backgrounds that their work and opinions is greatly valued.

Week 9 - Sportsmanship

 This week, we talked about the importance of sportsmanship in life. 

By virtue of being IITians, all of us in this class have had fairly upwards trajectories in our life so far. However, we cannot expect the same to continue indefinitely; there will be tough periods when we are going through a rough patch, or a gamble we take doesn't work out.

Life is a journey, and what matters is how far we go, not how fast we move. One needs to be able to withstand setbacks and be rational with self doubt to be able to take on this journey effectively. That is why sportsmanship is important.

One of the most important aspects of being a good sport is focusing on the process. This must not be confused with not having a goal; a goal is crucial to have direction in life and our work. What this means is that we must not be focused on the outcomes, but rather on putting in our best efforts and extracting the most value from our experiences.

Life is strange; our needs and wants constantly change. If we focus only on the goal, we are making an invalid assumption that we have full control over life. This makes us worried and panicked whenever things don't go as planned. On the other hand, a person who focuses on their effectiveness alone will be able to savour the process and find beauty in the mysterious ways life works out.

A person whose primary goal is to live life to the fullest is motivated by their interest in their work, the only thing they can control. They are independent of external motivating factors like money or fame, which is out of their control. As their focus is not on the immediate goal, they have a clearer idea of the bigger picture, unfazed by recent success or setbacks.

In professional environments too, this attitude helps more than talent. A professional environment is filled with setbacks, and one who can learn from that and move on will be better valued over a person with raw talent but a bad attitude.

Building Sportmanship

Most people suffer from some deal of attribution error; when we achieve some success, we attribute it solely to ourselves, and when we are dealing with failure, we blame external factors, such as bad luck or poor co workers. Truth is, in any situation, a mix of internal and external factors determine success and failure. A person who is a good sport can rationally correct their attribution bias, expressing gratitude towards factors that played a part in their success, and analyzing what they could have done better in case of failures. Taking conscious effort to do so can help us feel gratitude and improve as a person.

Often, selfish behaviour or pressure to succeed comes from a belief that 'the pie is limited'. If we do not act fast enough, or help others, then we feel we will be beaten in the race to a slice of this pie. This has never been true. In all of history, human prosperity has only increased, and it is continuing to do so, aided by technology, at a pace never before seen. To develop a sporting attitude, rather than thinking about racing to a slice of the pie, we need to ask ourselves how can we contribute to expanding the pie.

One of the biggest stumbling blocks to a sporting mindset, is envy and jealousy. It is tough to remain calm and composed when you are having  a tough time, but we see others succeeding and having a good time.

To overcome this, it is important that we understand that everyone has different strengths and battles to face. While we see their success, we do not see the fortune or struggle behind it. We must realise that people are on different timelines; some may strike gold faster than others, but there is no need to feel worried as long as your own work is effective.

Last but not least, to build sportsmanship, we must hold ourselves in high esteem. If we are not confident about ourselves, we will tend to constantly look over our shoulder. The mark of a truly sporting person is one who can praise others for their success wholeheartedly, detaching their ego from the moment.

This session was a much needed alert for me. I was not proud of my academic situation, and was looking at others who were doing well, wondering what I was missing. In essence, I was on a mental downward spiral. This session made me realise that my own battles were completely different from these people I was looking up to, and it was natural that the results were different. By trying to chase them out of envy, I was only scattering my energy, often into inefficient pursuits. Instead, I needed to keep my head down, remind myself of my good fortune, not worry too much about my grades, and direct my mental energy into doing the best work I can. I may look up to others, but the only person I need to be competing with is myself.

Week 8 - Ethics

 This week, we had a session on Ethics. To start off, Viji asked us to discuss a moral/ethical dilemma we find interesting.

Personally, my favorite ethical dilemma is that of Mahabharata's Karna. There are two opposing views to the stand he took, both of which have their merits. On one side, he is criticized for supporting Duryodhana in the war, even though he knew he was fighting for the morally corrupt side. On the other hand, many consider this very act the greatest testament to his loyalty; Duryodhana gave him a life when the Pandavas shunned him, and he repaid the favor wholeheartedly, going against his own morals.

Moving on to the session, Viji pointed out that morals and ethics are actually two very different things. 

Morals are the rules and guidelines a person sets for themselves, based on their personal experiences and beliefs. 

On the other hand, ethics are externally set, perhaps by a society or company. These are the set of accepted rules everyone is expected to follow to maintain smooth social functioning.

For example, it is ethically acceptable to eat meat, and yet many people decide to be vegetarian, thus holding on to a stronger value system in this case. On the other hand, one might prefer informal wear, but if that person's office mandates formalwear, they are ethically required to dress accordingly, even if their value system doesn't require it.

Another important reason ethical standards are required is to make sure people aren't acting completely selfishly. This is done to prevent the Tragedy of the Commons: Every individual would be worse off if they act purely selfishly, as opposed to working together.

Setting Ethical Guidelines

As a thought experiment on the limits of ethics, we had a lively mock debate on Amazon's decision to monitor employees using armband trackers. On one hand, the argument was that the company wanted to track its employees during the company's time to improve its employees' efficiency, and it is the company's choice and free will to do so. On the other hand, the counterargument was that this was an inhuman level of tracking, and given Amazon's poor labour policies so far, there is not much trust that this new policy will be implemented in good faith.

This debate went to show that, for a rule or guideline to become an ethical standard, it must be brought up in good faith, taking into account the preferences of all parties involved.

Why do people act unethically?

There are many different situations wherein even the best of people can stray off the righteous path:

• Slippery Slope: Major violations of ethical guidelines or laws start with a small act somebody does to get ahead, thinking it is harmless. Negotiating with one's values or society's ethics is a slippery slope, and is only bound to get worse over time.
• Greed: Many people caught cheating are often extremely rich by any standards. These are people who have been completely consumed by greed, and are vying for that extra dollar by any means, even if they don't need it at all.
• Pressure: Similarly, people who feel they have high standards to maintain, can be tempted to take unethical means to success when all else seems to be in trouble. They could be tempted to bend their values rather than give up their prestige.
• Peer pressure: When someone sees everyone around them getting ahead using unethical means, it becomes easy to justify the same.

Strengthening our Ethical Compass

To start off, it is important to be constantly in sync with your ethical compass, frequently asking if you're doing the right thing. Over time, this becomes natural and almost instantaneous, giving you the confidence that you will do the right thing.

It is also important to seek out new opportunities outside your comfort zone. When you are in a situation you are not familiar with, you will truly understand how strong your ideals are. When you find yourself confronted with an ambiguous decision, reach out to others. Understand other's points of view, to strengthen your own ethical compass.

Unfortunately, there are areas where unethical practices are widespread. Even in such a situation, remember to hold on to your ideals. The majority is not always right.

It is imperative that everyone, not just you, follows ethical guidelines for a smooth-running society. So, when you see malpractice around you, call it out. Do not be a silent bystander or a facilitator.

Week 7 - Perception and Vulnerability

To start off this week, we talked about our perception. Often in our public lives, we and others can have wildly differing perceptions about what is happening. For example, a person could try to be enthusiastic, only for others to feel that they are dominating.

Whenever we try to gauge and respond to any information, we go through a ladder of inference. However, we must realize that each person's takeaway from this ladder is different, and we must prepare for the same. At every step of this ladder, people can differ, and perhaps make mistakes, due to various reasons like information asymmetry, cultural differences, different styles of reacting, etc.

A large part of these differences can be found in our differences in values; values are derived from our cultures, life experiences, network, etc, and hence is different for each person.

Sometimes we take disagreements unnecessarily personally. However, in most situations, all parties are trying to find a course of action that is mutually beneficial but are approaching the matter at hand with different perceptions. It is important to realize this, so we can remain open minded while working towards bridging the gap

Our perceptions are directed by our Mental Model or "software of the brain"  - the way we think, feel, and react to our environment. In order to have a more nuanced and Mental Model, we have to make a conscious effort to update ourselves frequently. It is imperative that we seek out new experiences beyond our comfort zone for the same.

Stereotypes

We use stereotypes when we are trying to gauge someone or something with very little information. It is important to be aware of a wide range of cultural nuances, but in a situation where that isn't possible it was suggested that stereotypes can be useful to prevent misunderstandings, albeit only briefly at the surface level. Personally, I disagree with this: any lack of clarity is worth clarifying. As we will see later, I feel this is a place where being vulnerable is more important than being polite.

When stereotypes affect the way we feel about people, they become prejudices, and when these prejudices bubble out, we see discriminatory acts being committed. Stereotypes also lead to the Halo effect, where we extrapolate inferences into unrelated areas, such as assuming a person who speaks well is smarter. 

Due to its steep downsides, it is important to actively work towards breaking down stereotypes and avoiding prejudices. We need to start by asking ourselves, how would we feel if we're judged by someone else who knows little about us. It is critical we build up the courage to constantly question our Mental Model.

Vulnerability

We started off this session with an exercise on the Johari window. We first analyzed our own characteristics that we are open about (Open Self) and we tend to hide (Hidden Self). Then, we went into groups of 4, giving each other our thoughts on them as a person, in an attempt to discover personality traits that we aren't aware of but others are (Blind Self).

Personally, being quite the open book, I didn't have much, if at all, in my Hidden Self and Blind Self categories. However, I suspect I've only scratched at the surface of my personality, and so I ought to have a lot of characteristics that neither I nor others are aware of (Unknown Self)

We then watched a TED talk on vulnerability. Many people have a large Hidden Self, trying to portray a perfect image of themselves to everyone. But in reality, everyone is facing their battles. It is better for relationship building and our mental health to be brave enough to be vulnerable and honest with those we trust. Vulnerability helps us learn about ourselves in two ways: sharing with each other helps us uncover our Blind Self, and pushing out of our comfort zone helps us uncover our Unknown Self. Thus, we must strive to create tight relationships where we trust the other person and be brave enough to be vulnerable with them.

Week 6 - Self Esteem

 This week, we were discussing about self esteem, a critical foundation to build before we work on anything else.

Everyone has different challenges, and is at a different level of self esteem, especially in these formative years. As a result, this session was much more introspective, rather than a discussion or sermon.

To start with, Viji ma'am asked us to look in the mirror, and consciously observe how we feel about ourselves. I felt rather self confident about my physical appearance; I haven't been the most handsome guy in any room, but luckily I haven't worried much about that, and I always flash my million dollar smile 😅. If there was one thing I noted, it was the slight double chin from all the fat I've gained over the last year or two, but being observant of that was important, as my health is very much in my control.

In a more general sense of things, I felt great about where I was in life back then. I have ups and downs, but in general, my life has been extremely comfortable and fortunate. (As I'm writing this, I'm feeling a little down and unsure about myself, so honestly it feels good to be reminded that this too shall pass.)

Self esteem is the way we look at ourselves and our situation. It is how we think and feel about ourselves. Thus, we discussed two important facets that influence our self esteem, either good or bad:

Awareness

To maintain a strong and rational level of self esteem, we need to be constantly aware of our strengths and weaknesses, and our fortunes and disadvantages. For this, we did an exercise, listing out our life's ladders (things that support us) and snakes (weaknesses).

My ladders:

• Monetary Stability
• Caring and stable family
• Best in country academic opportunities and mentors
• My youth and life ahead of me
• Trustworthy people I have surrounded myself with
• Relative self discipline given my age

My snakes:

• Self doubt
• Holding back/not taking risks
• Dependency on others
• Low priority given to mind and body
• Attaching my worth to external achievements
• Procrastination

People who are not in touch with their ladders can feel they're stuck in a bad situation and can easily spiral emotionally. Similarly, people who are not aware of their snakes can get too cocky and act recklessly. Only a person who is in touch with both can feel grateful for their ladders, while working on their snakes.

Self Talk

Our own internal self talk is significantly affected by our self esteem and vice versa, thus creating a positive or negative cycle. According to studies, humans have on avergae, 70000 thoughts a day, two thirds of which are negative. Taking a conscious effort to tip the scales, even by a little, will have a compounding effect because of the aforementioned.

Besides our levels of positivity, our self talk also determines whether we have a growth mindset or fixed mindset. People who have a fixed mindset tend to correlate successes and failures to their levels of intelligence, which implicitly implies a certain lack of control. On the other hand, people who have a growth mindset attribute the same to their competence, which was built on their effort, even if it takes them longer than others.

Studies have shown that people with a growth mindset enjoy challenges and strive harder than people with fixed mindsets. The good news is that, this too is not a permanent fixture of our birth and genes. Any person can take a conscious effort to inculcate a growth mindset in their thoughts and as a result, their lifestyle.

Externalities

We wrapped up the session with a discussion on how external factors affect our self esteem, particularly in the context of body shaming. People talked about how body shaming had mentally affected them in the past. And then, we discussed how to handle such challenges. Ideally, people would be cognizant of others feelings, and hold back on being judgemental. But in reality, we are bound to come across some ugly situations. At such times, it is important to hold strong to our self image. We must also realize the impernanence of it all; it is futile to slip into anxiety, worrying about our appearance if in 20 or 30 years, all of us are going to look aged and tired. Health is important, but appearnace is only secondary.

Week 5 - Communication

Our next week on communication was split into two parts: for the first two days, we had guest lecturer Dr.Abha take us through effective presentation skills and techniques, and in the next two days Viji took us through improving our personal and professional conversations.

Public Speaking Session - Dr.Abha - Takeaways

More people are afraid of public speaking than of death! That is how mortifying people find public speaking. But the root cause of the problem typically is not that one cannot speak, or one does not have any knowledge; rather, it simply boils down to the fear of being judged by the people listening.

Once we realize this, we can be better equipped to deal with "stage fright". An effective method to both improve our presentations and getting rid of our fear, is to dedicate ourselves to perfecting our speech. If we are fully engaged in our work and we reach the flow state, the opinion of others barely matters to us anymore.

We started off focusing on the most fundamental aspect: structuring. Dr.Abha pointed out that it is easy for anyone to go on rambling about a topic of their interest, but the true challenge is to deliver information in a crisp and engaging manner.

Two primary structures were introduced in this session:

3 T Structure:

• Tell your audience what you will be talking about: Make sure your audience has a clear picture of what they are dedicating their time to and establish why it's important.
• Tell your audience: Deliver all your talking points.
• Tell your audience what you have spoken about: the most impactful part of the speech, ie, the callback. Use this to summarize key takeaways, and present your call to action.

4 P Structure

• Position: Tell your audience what you're talking about and/or what your opinion is.
• Problem: Speak about why this subject opinion is important/credible.
• Possibility: What does all this mean to your audience moving forward.
• Proposal: Your call to action for the audience.

In the second session, we talked about the delivery of presentations. To quickly summarize the key areas that were discussed:

• Personal projection: A good message without conviction would cause apathy. A weak topic conveyed with strong conviction would only ruse a short-term frenzy. Focusing on strong messages, and delivering them with utmost conviction is required to uphold sustained action.
• Humor: Humor can add personality to presentations, but must be used carefully. When used gently, it can be used to deliver an easily understandable context about the topic at hand. But one must make sure it mustn't be offensive and isn't off-topic.
• Questions: Questions can be used to deliver a stronger in many ways, a few of which are:
• Rhetorical question: Making the audience think.
• Factual Recall: To introduce/callback facts
• Opinion: To elicit an emotional response.
• Comparison: Once again, to make the audience critically analyze.
• Clarification: To elaborate/clarify something you have said.
• Voice Projection: The way we speak and pronounce can have a profound impact on the tone and hence the emotion with which our message is being delivered. A few quick tips to sharpen the same:
• Pick up the pace whenever you want to show excitement.
• Slow down and use pauses to emphasize points.
• Use repetitions (and list of threes) to make sure key phrases are retained by the audience.
• Body Language: It is common knowledge among experts that the nonverbal cues a good speaker give have more impact than their verbal delivery itself. Some tips to keep in mind:
• Keep your hands, and body in general, open. This shows openness. A person who closes up looks like they have something to hide.
• Maintain eye contact with your audience. Look around the crowd, not just at one spot. Eye contact is a communication of respect to your audience.
• Information Delivery: One must convey information in a concise and clear manner. This involves not only a crisp speech, but also strong supporting material in the form of good quality slides. They must be creative, essentially 'talking with pictures'.

Improving Conversational Ability - Viji ma'am

The primary topic of this session and the activities we did associated to it, revolved around being assertive during personal conversations. Some of the takeaways from this session were:

• Assertiveness vs Aggression: Try to be convincing about your point of view, but don't be dominating. One cannot be assertive without being open to the other person's concerns/views. It requires respect for oneself as well as the person one is talking to. A conversation isn't a shouting match; the goal of a conversation isn't to prove you are better, but rather to benefit from it, even if that means you learn to change your opinions. An assertive dialogue can lead to a win-win situation.
• Practical tip: If you are talking to someone about something they did that affected you, don't be accusatory. Rather, use a tone that emphasizes your distress. Say "I'm hurt", instead of "You hurt me".
• Polite vs passive: As mentioned previously, it is crucial to be respectful of the other person's opinion. But on the flip side of aggression, some people tend to not at all respect their own point of view. This is equally bad. While being polite, make sure you are able to put your point across. Do not compromise on your values to satisfy another person.
• Practical tip: This is all about confidence in oneself. Make sure you do not view/treat yourself as a floormat. (Reference an ode to Sean Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Successful Teens, a personal favorite of mine growing up).
• Proximity to person: One must be careful while trying to be assertive. It is more effective with people you are very close to. To relative strangers, assertiveness that isn't well executed can come off as aggressive.